Recently, I had lunch with a friend I hadn’t seen in a while. You know how it goes—two busy moms trying to line up calendars between work, family, and everything else. When we finally sat down together, it just felt good to share a meal and catch up.
As we talked, I filled her in on what’s been happening: the back-to-school chaos, the ups and downs of blended family life, some emotional challenges we’ve been working through, and updates on my business. My practice has been growing, I’ve been hiring new therapists, and launching all the Burnout to Balance goodness.
She responded the way a supportive friend does—with warmth, encouragement, and genuine excitement.
But I noticed something strange in how I responded back.
Even as I was talking, I could feel myself shrinking everything down.
The Subtle Habit of Making Ourselves Small
When she said, “That sounds like a lot. How are you holding up?”
I laughed it off with, “Oh, you know, we’re fine—just getting through!”
When she told me, “I’m so proud of you, that’s amazing!”
I brushed it aside with, “Yeah, we’ll see what happens,” instead of letting myself fully receive it.
In that moment, I could hear myself minimizing both the hard parts and the good ones—making my challenges sound lighter and my wins sound smaller.
It wasn’t intentional. It was automatic.
Why We Dim Our Own Light
After lunch, I took a moment to pause and get curious.
Why did I do that?
Why do so many of us—especially moms and women—deflect, downplay, or hide?
We brush off the compliments. We make jokes about the chaos instead of admitting it’s hard. We keep our excitement quiet so we don’t seem “too much.”
It’s not that we don’t know better. Many of us teach this very thing. I’m a therapist and a coach, and I still catch myself doing it.
This isn’t about knowledge—it’s about programming.
Many of us were raised to believe that being humble meant minimizing ourselves. That taking up space—emotionally, professionally, even physically—was risky. That if we’re struggling, we should keep it together, and if we’re proud, we should tone it down.
It’s an old, ingrained pattern that whispers:
Don’t make anyone uncomfortable.
Don’t brag.
Don’t be dramatic.
But those messages come at a cost.
When we mute our truth—both the pain and the pride—we disconnect from ourselves.
Curiosity Over Criticism
In the past, I might have left that lunch spiraling into self-criticism: Why did I say that? Why do I always minimize?
Instead, I chose curiosity.
I asked myself:
- What am I afraid might happen if I just tell the truth out loud?
- What feels threatening about saying, “Yeah, things are heavy right now,” or “I’m proud of what I’ve built”?
Would I sound ungrateful? Arrogant? Weak?
Or maybe I’m just afraid of being fully seen.
Because when we allow ourselves to be seen—in our mess and our joy—it invites connection. But it also feels vulnerable.
So instead, we shrink.
The Practice of Taking Up Space
I don’t have all the answers yet. But I know this: awareness is the first step.
When I catch myself minimizing, I try to pause.
To notice the discomfort instead of pushing it away.
To breathe through the urge to deflect.
And little by little, I’m practicing saying things like:
- “Yeah, it’s been hard lately.”
- “I’m really proud of this work.”
- “I’m excited about what’s ahead.”
It doesn’t make me self-centered. It makes me whole.
You’re allowed to do the same.
You’re allowed to take up space—to be proud, and tired, and hopeful, and human.
You’re allowed to let people see you.
Because shrinking doesn’t protect us—it disconnects us.
So if you catch yourself brushing things off or downplaying your story, try this:
Pause. Notice. Get curious.
That’s where healing begins.
You’re allowed to take up space. You’re allowed to be proud and overwhelmed and messy and joyful—all at once.
If you’re tired of shrinking yourself and ready to build a more balanced, confident mindset, explore the Balance Mindset course. It’s designed to help overwhelmed moms release perfectionism, unlearn the pressure to “hold it all together,” and finally create space for themselves again.
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📩 Download the free Mindset Shift Meditation HERE