In the last blog article, What Is Mom Burnout?, I talked about one of the main causes of burnout in moms…the negative impact of conflicting and unrealistic expectations placed on moms and women in general. Those messages corrupt our inner dialogue and lead to an overwhelmed, burned-out mindset. But, that’s not the only thing that threatens our sense of balance.
Finding Balance
A shaming, doubting, and critical mindset isn’t the only thing that threatens our sense of balance.
The Balance Philosophy is built on the idea that a healthy mindset AND kick-ass organization systems are what help us find and maintain balance.
Mindset + Organization = Balance
Without the right tools and resources, a positive attitude will only get you so far. It’s hard to stay hopeful and focused when you’re drowning in To Dos.
For those of you who struggle in the time-management department, I know you’re probably thinking “well, I’m screwed. I’ll never find balance if that’s what it takes…”
Don’t worry, I got you. It’s not as hard as it sounds.
And, you don’t have to just take my word for it. I’ll share one of my favorite systems. It’s so easy to implement and maintain. I still use it today on a weekly basis, in both my business and personal life.
First I want to bust some myths and challenge some beliefs you may have. These are the three most common reactions when I talk about time management and systems.
Mythbusters
1. I procrastinate/am too distracted/too lazy/too much of a people-pleaser. My ADHD makes it too hard to stay focused and get anything done.
These are a few concerns my clients have expressed over the years. I’ve lumped them together because they are all related to our mindset, the other piece of the burnout puzzle.
“Procrastinator” and “lazy” and even having ADHD are all labels or little boxes we get shamed into. These labels are like mountains blocking our path to balance.
Accepting that we’re just lazy and can’t focus or allowing guilt to make us say yes too often, prevents us from seeing the big picture. By removing the labels, you can start to ask questions about why a task is being avoided.
I used to think I was too lazy to keep my house clean. When I stepped back, I could see that I wasn’t lazy or avoiding other things. That’s the other thing about labels…to truly be lazy you must be lazy most of the time in most areas of your life.
It wasn’t until I was cleaning our main bathroom one day that I figured out why I avoided it so much.
I felt myself getting really frustrated and wanting to quit. I also listened to my inner dialogue. And boy, was it nasty.
Man, this place is a fucking mess! Nice job sticking to that cleaning schedule you made. You really only clean when people are coming over. And, because you don’t clean often enough everything gets so dirty that it takes forever. So, you’re just costing yourself even more time and energy. Great.
Like I said, pretty nasty. No wonder I hated cleaning! Every time I did it, I shamed myself to no end. It wasn’t a failing system or laziness, but an unhealthy mindset about myself. Removing that label and being kinder to myself about cleaning made me less likely to avoid it. It became easier to maintain a simple, but consistent cleaning schedule.
Even with ADHD, removing that label so you can more closely identify your strengths and limitations is knowledge and knowledge is power; the power to create systems and structure your time in a way that works for you and your ADHD. It’s the power to feel competent in your ability to get shit done.
2. I’m more of a free spirit who likes to be spontaneous. I don’t want to schedule my time down to the hour.
You don’t have to be Type A just to get shit done or stay organized. You just need simple and effective systems and tools in place that are easy to maintain and use. Otherwise, we are often using our time inefficiently, making us feel rushed and stretched thin. So, you’re more likely to have the freedom and flexibility to be your authentically spontaneous self.
3. I’ve tried to be better organized before, but something always gets in the way of being consistent.
There is some truth to this one. Life happens. Sick kids and vacations do throw off routines and ruin the best of intentions to get shit done. But it’s not an organizational problem. It’s a mindset problem. Just like removing labels, a mindset shift will keep you on track when your kid throws up at 3am and has to stay home from daycare for two days.
During these times, we must pivot to what needs our attention, even if that’s relaxing on the beach. Our To Do lists aren’t going anywhere. You can’t expect to get much done when you’re nursing a sick kiddo. A good system allows us to pick right back up where we left off once life returns to a reasonable sense of normalcy. Fun fact: Pivot was the word of the year in 2020. I don’t know about you, but my word for that year was surviving.